So I turned 40 this week. I am not sure what I think about that… I’m not sure if I am happy with the life that I have forged. I feel like I do very little that makes a difference in the world. Before my wife get all, well you know. I have the greatest family, and while not perfect I am a good father and provider. I have a good stable job doing things that I find interesting and rewarding about 30% of the time. All things considered things in my life are great I am truly blessed and I recognize that fact.
But being who I am I want more. I want to be somewhere further ahead of where I am. At 40 I expected to be more than I am, and the only one to blame is myself. I could take more chances, but fear holds me back. I have tasted failure and am still paying the price. I could put myself out there more, but I tell myself I am not ready and people wouldn’t like me. I have a “interesting” and possibly offensive personality in real life. So I put up a wall that is there to protect people from me, I would rather be lonely than cause hurt. On the internet I am different I can edit myself as I type, my “internet personality” is more of who I would like to be.
I’m not here looking for sympathy or a pat on the head. Those are always appreciated though 😉 I just wanted to post something today and this is what came out.
FYI this is one of my favorite 2011 pictures I just could never create a post for it.